Cris – mysite

It’s been a while, but I’m back!!!!

It’s been about a year and well I have not done very well with keeping up with this at all. So here we go again. Over the past year I feel like I have had a lot of growth. I think to myself “is this a “almost” 40 thing?” who knows? All in all, it’s good growth. I feel as if I am coming to know WHO I am. That has taken me a long time. I have always been different and been okay with that but felt as if I needed to fit in somewhere. Today I just feel like ME. Like I can just be the girl who hangs out and if you want to come hang out too then cool. If not, then that’s cool too. No ill feelings, well at least not on my part. I am seeing in myself that I don’t need to make everyone happy and I don’t need to say yes to everything. That is the most freeing thing I have ever felt. I am doing me, and it feels so good.

I have not always been the most confident human in the room. My husband will tell me that I’m beautiful and mushy stuff, but I would never listen. I guess one could say I did not know how to take a complement. I was my own worst critic. Not only on my appearance but on everything. I would force myself to say, “Thank you” when deep inside of my body I was telling myself “why, why, can’t they just stop saying these things, and just get on with the day.” Now, I Know I am not the only human in this world that has ever felt these kinds of feelings. I also know it is very hard to overcome. Like a fear of water. It’s a strange fear. A fear that is unexplainable. I can’t even tell you when it began. But I can tell you that today I no longer have that fear. I can take a compliment, it doesn’t weird me out and make me feel so uncomfortable that I want to run for the hills.

I decided to give it a shot. I started the bible study about three weeks later and literally everything was online. This was a 6-week bible study, so I was committing to 6 weeks of reading my bible and writing in my journal. I had a journal that I kept my notes in and my girlfriend would post conversations online and others would conversate and I could just read and participate like that. It was great. I LOVED this bible study. Not only for the security that it gave me, but the actual bible study was good. It made me want to conversate. I never did. But I always read what was being talked about and checked it about 2-3 times a day to see what was going on if anything. I kind of felt like it was my safe place. The 6-weeks was up, and I felt so good. So energized. I wanted more. I wanted to share what I had learned. I contacted my friend and asked “are you going to do another one?” She said yes, there is a 2-week break and then we start a new study. I was ecstatic. I had never felt the feeling I was feeling. My fears were slowly disappearing, and I was becoming a more confident human. I could feel my mindset changing. I wanted more. My girlfriend got busy and could not host any longer, so she gave all of her followers the information they needed to continue their journey. I of course took the information and continued, and I have grown so much spiritually that it has changed me. In a good way. Not who I am but my way of thinking and going about things.

Till next time xoxox

Cris

Finding Me

Over the past year I feel like I have had a lot of growth. I think to myself “is this a “almost” 40 thing?” who knows? All in all, it’s good growth. I feel as if I am coming to know WHO I am. That has taken me a long time. I have always been different and been okay with that but felt as if I needed to fit in somewhere. Today I just feel like ME. Like I can just be the girl who hangs out and if you want to come hang out too then cool. If not, then that’s cool too. No ill feelings, well at least not on my part. I am seeing in myself that I don’t need to make everyone happy and I don’t need to say yes to everything. That is the most freeing thing I have ever felt. I am doing me, and it feels so good.

Two years ago, a friend of mine posted online that she was going to start hosting an online bible study. “umm ok, last bible study I attended I felt so judged and out of place I wanted to crawl under a table” but since this was online no one could see me or hear me to judge me. So, I decided to give it a shot. I started the bible study about three weeks later and literally everything was online. This was a 6-week bible study, so I was committing to 6 weeks of reading my bible and writing in my journal. I had a journal that I kept my notes in and my girlfriend would post conversations online and others would conversate and I could just read and participate like that. It was great. I LOVED this bible study. Not only for the security that it gave me, but the actual bible study was good. It made me want to conversate. I never did. But I always read what was being talked about and checked it about 2-3 times a day to see what was going on if anything. I kind of felt like it was my safe place. The 6-weeks was up, and I felt so good. So energized. I wanted more. I wanted to share what I had learned. I contacted my friend and asked “are you going to do another one?” She said yes, there is a 2-week break and then we start a new study. I was ecstatic. I had never felt the feeling I was feeling. My fears were slowly disappearing, and I was becoming a more confident human. I could feel my mindset changing. I wanted more. My girlfriend got busy and could not host any longer, so she gave all of her followers the information they needed to continue their journey. I of course took the information and continued, and I have grown so much spiritually that it has changed me. In a good way. Not who I am but my way of thinking and going about things.

Till next time xoxox

Cris

Parenting Adventures

Kids………..They are going to give me all of my gray hair. I love them all so big, and we all try to protect our kids from well all the bad in the world, whether it be their hearts being broken or bad decisions. I believe I have mentioned before that Nowlin is on the spectrum somewhere, and very high functioning. Well yesterday Nowlin got in the car, and he said “momma, I got a star today” (a star is not good) I turned and looked at him and said “well…..why did you get a star buddy?”. He proceed to tell me about another child in class telling him to be quiet because he was counting aloud. In my head I feel like I know he probably had know idea he was counting aloud until it was brought to his attention and then by that time he was already frustrated. I asked him what happened and he told me the other kid kept saying to him “be quiet, be quiet, be quiet” over and over. Nowlin said it made him want to yell so he did. I said ok, well is that how we handle things when we feel upset or frustrated? He said no, but he was so mad he felt like he had to yell. A little part of me had to giggle and throw a party on the inside, because it has taken 5 years for me to get this child to say WHY he felt or WHY he did something. Although he got in trouble at school I was having a celebration on the inside for communication goals.

So something kinda giant happened yesterday. Nowlin also never really plays with anyone on our street outside of our direct neighbors, which is fine by me….lol he is always real close to home. There are two little boys that live about 3-4 houses down (i know that’s not very far) and they were riding their bikes home and Nowlin yelled”can they play” (one of the boys is in his class)? Their momma said yes, and they played here for a little bit. Then the little boy asked if Nowlin could go to his house to play. What was I going to say no? I mean Nowlin wanted to go, he was having fun, he was outside playing and not playing video games, so I let him go on his bike riding down the street my stomach was in knots. Only in knots for the small fact that I was actually letting him ride his bike in the street without an adult. I mean ugh he is my baby and he doesn’t always pay attention and what if something happens? Dustin was like “Cris, let him go play with his friend he is right there and you know the kids mom!”. Dustin drove down there after about 30 min of the kids playing to make sure they were good, Nowlin told Dustin he would be home at 6:30 hahahaha (he hears me tell his sisters what time to be home all the time ). Nowlin came home and he was so happy, he had so much fun. Dustin told Nowlin “I’m glad you got to play with your friend today”. Nowlin replied “that’s not my friend” Dustin told him “why would you say that? He invited you to his house to play and you went to play, I’m pretty sure that makes you guys friends.” Nowlin replied “well we don’t play at school.”. Dustin asked him if something happened and Nowlin said no, that they had so much fun playing. Here’s the thing guys, it is so difficult to explain “friend” ore anything that has a very in depth definition to Nowlin. I mean he does not get it. This is our next goal I guess “friend goals” It is so hard he just does not understand and when I ask him what a friend is to him he doesn’t really give me an answer, which tells me he doesn’t really know or understand. Ughhhh and this is why he always says he has no friend……..he has friends he just doesn’t understand or know what it looks like. #makingfriends #friends #goals #parentingadventures #parenting

TIME

Do you ever just sit back and think…..where did the time go? This past week looking at pictures of my kids and family that’s the first word that came to my mind. I often wonder as a mom if I am doing the right things and making the right choices ( I think those are normal thoughts) and I think I am doing a good job. Of course we all make mistakes and we are not perfect. But I think back to when my girls were just so little, I am going to say when the girls were about 1 and 2 years old. I remember thinking geeze, the diapers and the wipes and the crying and ugh…….. and now, there is none of that. Makes me a little sad to be real honest. I want those days back so that I can cherish them more, take them in more and take more pictures and just play more. Dustin and I had decided when Savee was born we were not having anymore kids. The week Lanie started kinder is the week I found out I was pregnant with Nowlin. I was so scared and excited, here I was with 2 kids one in school and the other going into school in a year, and I’m pregnant. I tell Dustin and he was so excited (thank goodness because I was thrilled to have another little one) he literally called everyone in his phone that day hahahahaha. I remember telling Dustin that with this pregnancy and this child I was going to embrace and have more patience. God defiantly knew what he was doing at that moment in time when I made that promise to myself. I told Dustin the day I had him “I don’t care if he cries all night I’m going to love every second of it” and let me tell you all………I sure did. Embrace every second you have with your babies. I sound like they are grown and out of the house. Well…..they are not. They are 13, 12, and 6 so they still have a little bit of time at home, I can’t imagine what I will be like when they leave. #time #slowdown #juststaylittle #babies #pictures #thinkingback #love

xoxoxo,

Cris

Tuesday morning talk

As I sit here and I drink my coffee Nowlin walks in and tells me good morning, he then proceeds to tell me that kids can go to jail too…….wait. what? Where did that come from? I looked at him and said “what did you just say?” and he repeated himself and I asked him, what on earth makes you say that? He completely ignores me and says “if a kid goes to jail a mom or dad can come get them”. Hmmm……really. Who told you about kids going to jail? His response…..wait for it…..I was just kidding mom….Ummmmmm no you were not. You were not kidding. Ugh talking to him sometimes is like talking is circles. I never got an answer of where this conversation came from and I probably never will. I thought that was kinda funny so I thought I would share. #boymom #strangestories #tuesdaymorning #jailtime #kidssaythedarndestthings

Dream job

After working at the school in the special education department and having a child on the spectrum I now see the need and such uses for therapy/service dogs. Growing up we always had labs, but they were not our “pets” they were my dad’s bird dogs. They lived outside in the kennel and plus my brother was very allergic to animals so regardless if they were pets or not they were not coming in the house. About 3 years ago a friend of ours dog was going to have lab puppies and asked us if we would want one, my first reaction was hell no! I don’t want a giant dog in the house. Plus my husband is allergic and if I get a dog it will live in my house and that is going to be so much work to keep my husband breathing easy lol. A few weeks went on and my kids begged and begged, I did finally give in and I said yes BUT…….. I want a chocolate female and I want to name her Hazel. Hahahha……I know it’s kinda crazy but I had this image in my mind and oh my goodness does it ever fit her. She is the best dog ever. She has the best temperament and and so loving and she is just perfect. She was perfect for Nowlin, as she got older she and Nowlin formed a bond that is unbreakable. She lets him lay on her and snuggle and she watches him play his video games, she is his buddy for sure. She is not a certified therapy dog but she is defiantly Nowlin’s therapy/buddy dog. Just this past December Hazel had her first litter of puppies and she had 12……yes 12 and all made it. That’s where Levi came from, he is one of her puppies. He was the first born and he was so big and giant and I fell in love with him the moment I set my eyes on him, he definitely takes after his momma. In the picture Nowlin was crying and would not stop to talk to me so I told him to go lay down with Levi, Nowlin was not sleeping in the picture he just had his eyes closed. Calmed down in no time. Melts my heart. Anyhow since she had the puppies all I can think about is becoming a therapy dog trainer. How fun would that be? I mean…….helping others and teaching dogs to help others and how to be emotional support I just think it would be so humbling. #happyhazel #therapydog #dreamjob #labs #luckylevi #giantdog

Sunday Church

So today in church Lanie (the oldest) she just had a lot of words today, that’s all I’m gonna say. We had to get on to her several times and I was thinking Lord help me. If you knew my kiddo she just has all the words all the time bless her heart she doesn’t always know when to stop and she is pretty funny. Anyway she wanted to ride home with Erika ( my friend you guys will learn more about in due time), so this evening Erika messages me and sends a picture and with it says “I guess she was listening in church this morning”. This picture just makes me so happy and shows me that this girl is mat

uring right in front of my eyes. #sundaymorning #bestillmyheart #allthewords #buildsyouup #heisfaithful #grace #holyspirit #forgiver

Four days

It’s four days until my sweet sweet Savee’s 12th birthday. Do you ever feel like time is just flying by? She is counting down the days until her birthday. These are the days I cherish, I don’t want them to ever go away. As I sit here and type this Nowlin is sitting on the arm of the chair playing his game, Lanie is of coarse at her friends house. It feels like yesterday that the girls were just 3 and 4 years old playing barbies with all the toys spread out everywhere. Cherish every second you have with your sweet angels.